


I'm All Out Of Faith (I'm Cold And I Am Chained)

by robin_writes



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I messed with the timeline a little, Tommy starts to become himself again, Tommy's alive, a few other things are different, but he's badly hurt, everyone feels guilty, felicity and oliver are together in s2, felicity makes tech magic, moira's trial is a little later, tommy survived the undertaking, tommy-centric fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 01:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_writes/pseuds/robin_writes
Summary: After the undertaking, Tommy is rescued by Oliver as the Arrow. He’s badly burned by the fires, paralysed from the waist down and has limited movement in one of his arms. He can’t live at home but out of guilt, Malcolm allows him access to his trust fund again. Tommy goes to live in a long term care facility. He’s depressed but tries to stay upbeat. Laurel visits him a lot and so does Oliver. And one day, Tommy meets Oliver's girlfriend Felicity, the woman Oliver wants to marry. And she tells him how her company is developing tech to help him walk again.





	I'm All Out Of Faith (I'm Cold And I Am Chained)

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I wrote this whole fic in a day. The same day I moved back to my uni dorm. But alas, I have an essay due monday morning and I do some of my best writing while I'm procrastinating. Happy New Year!
> 
> Title from 'Torn' by Natalie Imbruglia

The heat was unbearable. Tommy could feel his skin melting. He didn’t know skin could do that. And the weight of the concrete beam lying on top of him, crushing his pelvis. Tommy would cry about the damage if he wasn’t too pre-occupied with the melting and the pain. 

His throat was sore from the smoke. “Laurel!” He tried to yell out, but he couldn’t be heard over the building collapsing on top of him. Tommy tried to push the rubble off but he couldn’t get good leverage. He was pinned down, listening to the groaning of the building threatening to fall.

The pain was excruciating. It was pressure and throbbing and stabbing all at the same time and Tommy realised very quickly that he did not like this kind of pain.

It sounded like everyone had made it out, that was good. Laurel had obviously left. She shouldn’t be there, not to witness this. Tommy closed his eyes, sighing in relief as finally the pain stopped. “Tommy! Wake up! You have to wake up.” It was Oliver.

Oliver was hovering over him, pain covering his face. “Hey buddy, I was wondering when you would get here.” Tommy rasped out. He watched as his friend, dressed up in green leather, pulled his hood down and started to move the debris.  
“I know it hurts, but you just have to stay with me.”  
“It doesn’t hurt Ollie. Not anymore.” Tommy said. At his words, Oliver moved even quicker, he knew what that meant.  
There was a desk leg that had broken off that Oliver used to lever the concrete beam up off of Tommy. He lifted a few more rocks off and then looked at his friend. “Get up Tommy.” His voice cracking with emotion. “You have to move.” He watched as Tommy moved his arms and then tried to hoist himself up, but everything lower than his waist refused to cooperate.  
“I can’t.” 

Oliver leant over and lifted his friend, wrapping both arms around him. Tommy reached up and pulled his hood back over his head. Oliver walked them out, dodging ceiling panels and fires that sprouted from the electrics. 

He set Tommy down gently on the curb where he was out of harms way. “I’ll come back, okay? I’ll come back as Oliver and I’ll bring help. Just keep your eyes open and don’t move.”  
“It’s not like I can go anywhere.” Tommy huffed under his breath. Oliver ran off.

Tommy opened his eyes. He was in a long-term care facility. He was safe. And he wasn’t in pain. He repeated those statements in his head as he tried to will the nightmares away. It had been six months since the Undertaking. He was alive. 

The day after the Undertaking, Malcolm reached out to him. He’d heard about what had happened and allowed him access to his trust fund again. He’d also suggested a care facility in Central City, but Tommy didn’t want his money or his guilt. Tommy picked out the Rosewood Care Home in Starling City with Oliver. 

“Wake up Tommy, Paul’s here to see you.” A nurse knocked and then entered his room. Tommy nodded his acknowledgement and began to get ready. 

Paul Holt was his physical therapist. They met three times a week, mostly in the mornings because Paul realised that Tommy didn’t have time to get grouchy on him if he came first thing. 

Tommy pulled on his sweats and swapped the sweat stained shirt for a clean one. He dragged his body into the wheelchair, blinking the tears out of his eyes as the muscles in his left arm strained and almost gave way. He took a breath and then started to wheel himself out into the gym.

Paul was waiting for him. “Hey Tommy, how’re you feeling this morning?”  
“Tired.” Tommy huffed, stopping the chair in front of Paul.  
“Let’s get this over with then. Start by moving over to the bars and we’ll focus on strengthening your arm.” 

Tommy wrapped his arms around the parallel bars and tried to pull himself up. It was like pull-ups for people who were paralysed. Usually being in a wheelchair would strengthen a person’s arms, but there was severe muscle damage to his left arm in the CNRI wreckage.

They trained for an hour until Tommy got visibly frustrated. “That’s enough for today. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.” Paul said.  
“Don’t bother, it’s not working.”  
“Hey, you might not think you’re making any progress, but you’re fending off muscular atrophy. This is important, Tommy.”  
“Fine. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” Tommy rolled off.

When he got back to his room, Oliver was sitting in the chair next to his bed. “I didn’t know you were coming by.” Tommy said, rolling into the room.  
“It was a last minute thing. The nurse said you were in physical therapy. How’s that going?”  
“Crappy.” He snapped. “Sorry, I’m in a bad mood.”  
“Don’t worry about it, we all have bad days.” Oliver smiled, trying to reassure him.  
“It just feels like I’m having a constant bad day. Anyway, you came here to tell me something. What’s up?” Tommy always tried not to let Oliver know how much he regretted the Arrow saving him the night of the Undertaking. Everything would’ve been simpler if he had just died.  
“I need some time.”  
“Time?”  
“I’ve decided to give my half of Verdant to Thea, she’s basically running it anyway, she deserves this.” Tommy nodded along to what Oliver was saying. He had already signed his half over to Thea right after the earthquake. He wasn’t fit to run a nightclub. He was barely fit to run a life. “I have to go. I can’t stay in Starling City, not right now. Not after what our parents did.”  
“So where are you going? Bali? Venice? Ooh, I hear Canada’s pretty nice.”  
“I… I’m going back to Lian Yu.” Oliver said, his head bowed.  
“Like hell you are!” Tommy yelled.  
“I need some time.” He repeated.  
“Take some time then!” Tommy kept yelling. “But do it anywhere but there. Why do you even want to go back?”  
“I always knew where I stood there. I just need-“  
“Some time, yeah you said.”  
“I’ll come back. I promise. And I’m not leaving until next week.”  
“Save it Queen. You always said you were different, but you didn’t change. You’re the same Ollie Queen, running when the going gets tough. Go have fun on your island. Don’t bother coming back.” Tommy rolled his wheelchair over to the window. He glared at it, waiting to hear Oliver leave.

After a few moments, Oliver stood up and the door clicked behind him. Tommy exhaled a shaky breath and then he started to cry. He would never understand Oliver’s obsession with Lian Yu, but in his head he often likened it to being in the wheelchair.

It was something thrust upon them both after a terrible, tragic accident. It was something they both had to do to survive. And it was permanent, at least in their eyes. It was a memory of all the pain they lived through and Tommy was angry because there was nothing he wouldn’t do to be able to walk again and Oliver was throwing it all away by going back to Lian Yu. 

Oliver didn’t come back. And after a little time, people stopped sending flowers or cards or coming to see him altogether. Tommy got by. Mostly.

He spent almost all of his time hidden in the deep recesses of his memory. Tommy knew the doctors were worried about him. He could see it when he started to disappear again, giving them his thousand-yard stare. 

But his memories were so much better. He was driving fast cars. He was drinking at various clubs with Ollie and Laurel. He was running track in high school. He was having sex, lots of it, with so many different women. And he was in love with Laurel. But all of that was over now.

A nurse appeared in front of him, crouched down where he was sitting next to the couch, supposedly watching TV. “Hey Tommy.” She said, smiling brightly at him. Before, he would’ve flirted shamelessly and took her home, but now he couldn’t move more of his body than he could and his face was all disfigured. “This came for you.” She passed him a letter.

Tommy knew exactly what it was before he opened it. It was another cheque from Malcolm. “Can you pass this onto Annette?”  
“Sure.” The nurse’s smile dimmed when she saw the number on the cheque. It was a quarter of a million dollars. “Are you sure?”  
“Yep.” 

The nurse walked away with the cheque. It was blood money, his father felt guilty that he almost died. Every few months a cheque would turn up and Tommy would re-direct it to the care facility. At this point, they were only surviving on donations. It wasn’t like he needed the money. He didn’t do anything except eat, sleep and physical therapy.

But then something strange happened. Laurel came to see him.

She figured it was her fault that he was at CNRI that day. She didn’t listen to her dad when he told her to get out and Tommy came looking for her. Because of all that guilt, she hadn’t seen him since before the Undertaking.

But today, she came by. And it was a start.

Tommy was wearing a zipper and sweat pants. He never dressed up anymore and anything else was too uncomfortable to get on. There was a knock at the door. Laurel pushed it open. “Hi.” She said, too shocked to say anything else. But she sat in the armchair next to Tommy on the bed.  
“Hi.” He said, trying to memorise her face for when she ultimately disappeared on him again.  
“Oliver came back.”  
“What?”  
“He’s back from his vacation.” So Oliver didn’t tell Laurel where he was going.  
“Did you two get back together?”  
“No. He… I think he has a girlfriend.”  
“He hasn’t mentioned anyone to me.”  
“I’ve seen them together a few times, she works for him. Felicity, I think. But he looks happy. And he looks much happier since getting back from vacation.”  
“That’s good. He deserves to be happy.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, their one safe topic covered; Oliver. “I’m so sorry.” Laurel started to cry. “I never… I never imagined anything like this could happen.” Tommy dragged his body around so that he was facing Laurel. He used his good arm to rest his palm on her cheek.  
“None of us could’ve predicted this. But it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you. So don’t blame yourself.” He smiled at her. Laurel nodded but he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Not with her. 

She pressed a kiss to the side of his face that wasn’t scarred and then she left. 

It didn’t take ten minutes after Laurel left for Tommy to get irritable. He needed to get out of there. Rosewood allowed overnight excursions but he would have to be signed out by someone he knew. So after what Laurel had told him, he picked up his phone and called Oliver. “Tommy! I’m glad you called. I actually wanted to talk to you about something, but I didn’t… I didn’t think you would pick up.” Oliver sounded happy to hear from him.  
“Laurel was here, she told me you’re back.”  
“I am.”  
“And you’ve got your head on straight?”  
“I have.”  
“Good, now come bust me out. I think I need some time in the Arrow cave.”  
“We don’t call it that.” Oliver’s voice sounded quieter, like someone was pulling the phone away from him.  
“Hi, I totally approve of the whole ‘Arrow cave’ thing, I’ve been trying to get Oliver to call it that for over a year now. Oh! I’m Felicity by the way.”  
“Felicity huh?” Tommy felt a smile form on his face. “I’ve heard about you.”  
“You have?” She sounded surprised and really hot.  
“I have.” He confirmed.  
“I hope it’s all good.”  
“It is. Could you tell Ollie to come break me out already? I really want to meet you in person.”  
“Sure. I’ll see you soon.”  
“Bye Felicity.” Tommy hung up. He was really grateful for Laurel’s visit now. 

Twenty minutes later, Tommy had packed a small duffel bag with a change of clothes, all his pills and creams and a wheelchair repair kit. Oliver came to the door. “You know, this isn’t going to be like Prison Break, I’m actually allowed to take you somewhere.” Oliver said, looking at Tommy’s outfit. He was wearing a black hat and his zipper was one of the black ones he had.  
“I know, but this is more fun.” Tommy wheeled past Oliver, duffel bag on his lap.  
“I already signed all the papers, we can just leave.”

When they got to Oliver’s car, both of them stared at it. “Sorry, I didn’t think of this.” Oliver said, looking at Tommy.  
“Neither did I. You carried me so nice last time, why not try again?” Tommy said. There was no way he was going to be able to get into the car without Oliver’s help.

He rolled up to the passenger’s side and opened the door. Oliver moved around and bent down. Tommy wrapped his arms around Oliver’s neck as Oliver gripped his body and moved him to the leather seat inside the car. “See, that wasn’t so bad.” Tommy said as Oliver folded up the wheelchair and put it in the trunk.

Oliver drove to Verdant, parking next to Felicity’s red mini. It totally wasn’t conspicuous at all. He grabbed the wheelchair and unfolded it, dropping it next to the car door. And then, like clockwork, he lifted Tommy and placed him carefully on the chair. “Why don’t we go through the club?” Tommy asked.  
“No ramp.” Oliver smirked. Tommy laughed and wheeled himself to the dingy side entrance. 

They headed into the Arrow cave, a perky blonde meeting them at the door. She was wearing a colourful dress, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, with glasses perched on her face. “I’m Felicity, we talked on the phone.” She held out her hand to Tommy.  
“It’s very nice to meet you Felicity.” He smiled, winking at her as he shook her hand. Oliver just scoffed and walked past them.  
“You’ve been out fifteen minutes and you’re already making a move on the first woman you laid eyes on.” Oliver said.  
“She’s a very beautiful woman.” Tommy said.  
“Thank you.” Felicity blushed.

Oliver decided that Tommy needed a tour. He had never been to the Arrow cave before. While they moved around the Foundry, Felicity watched Tommy. The gears in her head were turning. They found her on her computer doing some research. “What you looking at?” Tommy rolled up to her.  
“Umm… I don’t think I should say.” Felicity bit her lip to try to keep quiet.  
“Is it porn? Come on, I won’t judge.” Tommy smiled brightly.  
“It’s not porn. I was watching you.”  
“Ooh, got a voyeur thing going on, I like it.”  
“No I mean, I was watching you move around. Your left arm is damaged, right?”  
“It is.” He said, the smile gone from his face now.  
“Felicity.” Oliver said, shaking his head.  
“I’m sure it hurts, you arc towards the left because your right arm is more powerful.” Felicity kept talking. Tommy was gritting his teeth and Oliver was ready to stop whatever was happening. “I can build you a motorised attachment for your wheelchair that responds more sensitively to your weakened arm. If you want, that is.”  
“Huh?” Tommy was confused.  
“It’ll make it easier for you to move. And it won’t hurt so much.” Felicity said. Oliver never considered that Tommy could still be in pain. He thought that all of the pain was on that day and after Tommy just felt numb.  
“I would like that. Thank you Felicity.” Tommy leant over and kissed her cheek.

He stayed overnight in Verdant’s basement. Felicity had to go home, but Oliver stayed, keeping an eye on the police radio software on Felicity’s computers. But soon Oliver had to take Tommy back to Rosewood.

Tommy spent the next few days going through the motions. He hadn’t left Rosewood since he was still making regular trips to the hospital burn unit. 

It was fine being cooped up when he didn’t know what he was missing, but now he did. Tommy would wake up, be helped into the shower which was less embarrassing than it had been for the first few months. Then he would eat and spend some time either in the common room, watching TV, or if it was sunny, he would sit outside. A nurse would come get him for lunch. He would watch more TV, often zoning out and falling into his memories, eat again and then go to bed.

It was a repetitive life and all Tommy wanted to do was scream and yell and run out of the facility. Except he doesn’t because he can’t. The damage to his throat and neck wasn’t too severe, but it was enough that his voice was always going to be raspy and hoarse. And every time he tried to scream, he had to give up because it hurt too much, which only made him want to scream more.

Thea came by one afternoon. She had been trying to visit him more often after the secret had come out. She was Malcolm’s daughter. “How’re you feeling today?” Thea sat on the end of his bed, dropping a card shopping bag in front of her.  
“Pretty good.” Tommy sat up higher against the headboard.  
“Liar. I got you something.” Thea passed him the bag. Tommy opened it and pulled out an expensive silk tie.  
“Thanks Thea, but I don’t think I’m going to have anywhere to wear it.”  
“I’m pretty sure Ollie’s going to propose soon, so you just might.”  
“To Felicity?”  
“Yep. Have you met her yet?”  
“I have. She seems like she wouldn’t take any of his crap.”  
“She doesn’t. We had dinner while Ollie was on vacation. She’s not at all his usual type but I think that’s good thing.”  
“Yeah, how’re you doing?” Tommy asked.  
“Moira’s trial is almost over. She’s not doing well. They’re talking about the death sentence.”  
“I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that.”  
“No, but she does. She killed 502 people, Tommy. She almost killed you.”  
“How’re you doing with Verdant? Ollie told me he was signing the rest of the club over.” Tommy changed the subject quickly. He had a lot of hatred towards Moira Queen, but she was still Thea’s mother and Thea didn’t deserve to grow up without a mother like he did.  
“It’s super popular. I thought it would be a ghost town right after, you know. But it’s doing really well.”  
“That’s good. I’m glad.”  
“You can come back, you know. Everyone misses you and we can install an elevator in the club if you’re worried about the stairs.”  
“I’m not quite there yet Thea, I still need a lot of… round the clock care.” He said, embarrassed.  
“Ollie said you stayed with him overnight.”  
“I did.”  
“Then why can’t you just move into the loft with us? We can look after you. We’re family.”  
“It’s a loft, there’s no access. And what if I need help while you are at work and Ollie’s out. It sounds great, Thea, but it’s not possible just yet. I need to get stronger and be able to take care of myself first.”  
“Okay.” She agreed. “I just really miss you. And I know it’s weird because we were never really close, but you’re my brother.”  
“I know. I miss you too.”

Thea stayed a little longer before she announced that she had to get Verdant ready for opening tonight. Tommy liked it when Thea visited because she didn’t feel guilty like everyone else seemed to, or expect him to be who he was before like Laurel did. It was nice to be a brother.

A few more weeks passed, Thea and Laurel checking in by phone sometimes. But out of nowhere, he was told by one of the nurses he had visitors.

Tommy allowed himself to be wheeled back to his room, only to find Oliver and Felicity hovering by the door. “Come on in.” He said, rolling into his room. “I hope you’re here to tell me you’re getting married. Thea’s been particularly excited about the news.” Felicity blushed.  
“No, not yet.” She looked pointedly at Oliver who chuckled nervously. Tommy knew he already had the ring, he’d had it for months, trying to figure out the right time to ask her. “Actually I asked Oliver to bring me. I have something for you.”  
“Ooh, is it something that will make Mr Tall Dark and Broody jealous?” Tommy smiled at Felicity.  
“No, it’s better.” She said, mirroring his smile.

From out of her purse came a… mechanical something or other. Tommy was totally lost. “I finished it.”  
“Finished what?” Tommy asked.  
“The pressure sensor for your wheelchair. Care to test it Mr Merlyn?” She looked really happy, and Tommy couldn’t help but wish she hadn’t gotten her hopes up. Tommy turned to look at Oliver.  
“She’s really good.” Oliver nodded, reassuring his friend that it was okay for him to get his own hopes up.  
“Let’s take this thing for a spin then.” Tommy said, moving his left arm out of the way.

Felicity bent down next to Tommy and clicked the sensor into place, attaching something else to the wheel on that side. She stood up. “Try it out.” Tommy placed his arm carefully over it and pushed forward. 

Suddenly he was on the other side of the room. “Woah hot wheels, slow down.” Felicity teased.  
“Maybe that can be my vigilante name.” He joked. “Hot Wheels.” Tommy raced from the room, his arm not in pain at all from straining to push him around.

He did loops around Oliver when him and Felicity stepped from the room, laughing the whole time. “You, Felicity, are a godsend.” Tommy smiled as widely and as brightly as he could, the happiest he had been in ages. “If you don’t marry her, Ollie, I will.” Tommy said, scooping Felicity up onto his lap. She squealed and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

Oliver just stood there laughing at his best friend. It was the most like Tommy he had seen since the Undertaking. “I have something else.” Felicity whispered in Tommy’s ear. He stopped, eager to hear what else she had come up with. “I don’t want you thinking this is a sure thing, because we’ve never tested it. But Curtis, a guy I work with, is working on a biochip. He’s really close. It’s meant to be implanted into someone’s spine, to help them walk.”  
“And you think it could work on me?” Tommy was awe-struck. She had already given him so much.  
“I do. And once we get it to work, you’re the first person I thought of who deserved it.”  
“How… how long do you think-?”  
“Curtis says he needs another month to finish it, a second one to test it. If it works, two months.”  
“You really are a godsend Felicity. Thank you.”

They sat there for a moment until Felicity started to stand up. “Don’t want to go for another spin?” Tommy smirked at her.  
“Sure.” She sat back down and Tommy started to roll again. He kept pushing until they were outside. Oliver had to run to keep up with them.  
“You stealing my girl again Merlyn?” Oliver asked, jokingly.  
“I am. What’re you going to do about it?” Tommy smirked at him.  
“You’re lucky you’re in that wheelchair.” Oliver said and Tommy laughed, speeding off back to his room with Felicity. 

Oliver held his hand out for Felicity to take. She pulled herself up, pressing a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “I’m glad it works.” She said sweetly before she left the room.  
“I’m serious, you better put a ring on that.” Tommy said to Oliver.  
“I will. Soon.” Oliver smiled and left.

The chip is ready in only a month and a half. During that time, Tommy finds out that Curtis is Paul’s husband, a power-couple if he’d ever seen one. And Paul had planned a new, more rigorous form of physical therapy for after the surgery. Which was a success.

He still couldn’t walk after a week, but he had sensations in his legs. When a nurse came in to help him shower that morning, he yelled out in surprise as the hot water scorched his legs. But the pain was soon replaced by amazement. Tommy spent a while poking at his legs and then he called Felicity to tell her the good news. She was thrilled for him.

It only took another few weeks for the feeling to return completely and for him to get out of the wheelchair. Paul helped him, even agreeing to up their sessions to five per week instead of three because Tommy was so excited to be able to get rid of the chair.

He realised he had sort of made a promise to Thea, so he called her. “Hello?” She said. He had woken her up.  
“Sorry to wake you.”  
“’S fine. Are you okay Tommy?” She sounded worried.  
“Better than okay. I wanted to know if you were serious about me moving in with you and Ollie?”  
“Yes! Definitely. Do you think you’re ready?”  
“I do.”  
“I can get your room ready in the morning.”  
“Well then I’ll see you in the morning.” He smiled.  
“G’night Tommy.”  
“Goodnight Thea.” He hung up, feeling lighter.

Tommy remembered to send Ollie a text as well, checking it was okay. It was. Oliver sounded ecstatic to have his whole family back together.

He packed a bag and checked out of Rosewood the next morning, not even waiting until breakfast to leave. He hailed a cab, happy he didn’t have to sit on that metal monstrosity anymore. Although he grabbed the sensor and motor Felicity had made for him. She worked so hard on it, he didn’t want to throw it away so he planned to give it back. 

The cab ride to the loft was full of anxiety and trepidation. He wasn’t completely himself. And he stumbled a lot, but it was a hell of a lot better than he had been a year ago. Oliver opened the door, happy to see him. He pulled Tommy into a hug and didn’t mind at all when Tommy had to lean on him a little. “Sorry it was so sudden, but I felt ready.” Tommy said into Oliver’s ear.  
“I’m glad.” They pulled away from each other and Thea came charging in for a hug.  
“I’m so happy you’re here. Have you eaten? Ollie, you should make pancakes for Tommy.”  
“Slow down, Speedy.” Oliver said. “Let him take a breath first.”  
“Sorry.” Thea said. “I’m just really happy.”  
“Me too.” Tommy smiled at his sister and pseudo-brother.


End file.
